Sometimes It's Okay To Leave The Family That You Unconsciously Chose
The most challenging and heart wrenching decision that you may ever have to make is to end relations with family members. This process may involve breaking societal, religious, and cultural traditions that claim “it’s wrong to leave your family,” or “you can’t survive without them.” The decision to leave one’s family is never a haphazardly made one, but rather a thoroughly evaluated choice that should involve weighing all possibilities for reconciliation. It requires examining whether or not continuing an emotionally charged relationship or entangled family connection with an entire group of individuals will drag you back into the role of victim-victimizer, or release you from it.
This article will address the reasons that you may be jeopardizing your mind-body health and overall fulfillment through certain relationships that should be resolved and released through a process such as Past Life Therapy. After resolving your past-life victimization patterns, the decision to end familial relations, which may also include a boyfriend or girlfriend, spouse, etc., can occur in stages. This happens as you continually sort through and resolve any unconscious attractions to family members that are reinforcing chaos and confusion from past-life traumas/deaths.
There could be a multitude of reasons you may be attracting victimization and the solution isn’t simply to leave your family. Past Life Therapy is a process of finishing your past by becoming conscious of the truth and then moving forward by ending old patterns or relations that don’t support wellness—a transition from survival to thrive-mode. For some people, leaving family members is a necessary part of the mental and physical health equation especially when your family is refusing to move forward with you.
If victim-victimizer patterns are evident during past-life deaths, they will be repeated with the family relations you unconsciously attract in the next incarnation. However, you may not initially acknowledge your relationships as unusual or destructive until more clarity/consciousness is attained with Past Life Therapy. This is because you may have become accustomed to victim-victimizer drama as a normal part of your daily life.
The unconscious mind contains non-verbal and direct voice commands from past-life dialogue recorded during previous deaths and traumatic events. These unresolved experiences from shocking circumstances result in survival-based and oftentimes false beliefs which reinforce continual victimization. Any confusing, unconscious subscripts from past-life deaths and other unconscious events such as surgeries or prenatal experiences will contribute to mental and physical issues until the confusion is resolved.
The source of confusion is contained within the unconscious mind; the part of your mind that has been recording everything that has ever happened to you. It records a mixture of truths and falsehoods that unconsciously directs and motivates you. During unresolved, traumatic deaths, survival scripts will develop, which dictate that you must feel pain, fatigue, and other discomforts to match the physical symptoms experienced at death. Your current family members may be reinforcing the anxiety, pain, and confusion you were exposed to during a victim-fueled death from illness, physical hardship, trauma, etc. In the next life, the unconscious belief is that the only way to live and die is with stress and pain. The resolution of your past can be obtained in Past Life Therapy so that you don’t have to live as if you’re dying.
For those who didn’t die a peaceful, resolved death, the survival-based belief in the next incarnation becomes “please just let me survive (be born),” or “as long as I’m suffering, at least I’ll be alive.” This sets into motion the bare-minimum, unconscious agreement that desperate souls abide by when unconsciously choosing their next-life parents, kinships, and intimate relations. It begins at conception with an unconscious obligation from their parents such as “I’ll let you be born if you take care of me,” “I’ll let you be born if you stay out of my way,” or “I’ll let you be born if you do whatever I say.” It can also involve demands such as “be a girl” when you are born a boy, or “I’ll let you be born, but you can never leave me.”
The person who unconsciously selects these victim-victimizer agreements is aligned perfectly with the unconscious, parental expectations that coincide with their unresolved, past-life beliefs and confusing statements from others recorded at death. Birth in these cases is simply the continuation of the unresolved, victim-victimizer scripts that become part of one’s survival, but not part of their thriving. The child who unconsciously chooses victim-victimizer roles agrees to unpleasant or impossible tasks such as obeying their parents even when it’s unhealthy to do so, trying to make their parents happy, or attempting to “fix” them (this could also include unconsciously supported diseases/confusion). This family dynamic sets into motion a lifetime of unconscious attraction to others whom will remind them they aren’t worthy of true love or respect and that their primary purpose is to please others at any cost.
Frustration from these overbearing scripts becomes a familiar feeling similar to what you may have felt during an unresolved death experience. Hence, “as long as I feel frustrated at least I’m still alive” becomes the survival pattern reinforced by the parents who will continually reinforce feeling frustrated since you cannot change your family or others. The unconscious message carried via cellular-soul memory (the unconscious mind) is to remain a victim of the belief that “as long as I stay frustrated and confused, I will survive.” Until the confusing experiences influencing these false beliefs are resolved, all forms of confusion become a destructive yet normal way of being. Hence the reason most people feel confusion is something you cope with rather than resolve, as their life revolves around numerous confused individuals who make them feel that this is the way it is for everyone.
Confusion and frustration is reinforced by unconsciously drawing into your life other confused individuals (e.g. family, current friends, co-workers) and then feeling disappointed when you aren’t fully understood and encouraged to be yourself. It’s also perplexing when you are unsure of how to help loved ones who don’t think they need help, or are exposed to people who want help but are unwilling to go inward for the solution.
The healing process is an “inside job”; one that modern medicine and pills alone cannot fix long-term when there are unresolved, emotional issues at bay to reinforce suffering. Then, of course, there are the addictions, compulsion, obsessions, and many external forces to keep someone from fully feeling and dealing with their confusion. For example, you may become preoccupied and intoxicated with mind-numbing behaviors (e.g. drugs/alcohol abuses, food issues, destructive relationships, workaholic patterns).
As you release the survival/birth scripts in therapy, the confusion ends and the frustration is over as you learn that you have control over changing yourself and the way that you live. The Past Life Therapy Center Method of de-hypnosis (focused-state) by Thomas Paul, C.Ht., M.C.P.L.T, enables clients to resolve unconscious contracts activated at birth, which stem from unresolved, past-life events. Past Life Therapy allows a client to re-experience these centuries old cycles of victimization from numerous lifetimes in a safe and open environment conducive for thorough healing. It provides an opportunity for a client to examine their confusing past and resolve it at its core by saying and doing what they didn’t feel they were allowed to do at the time. Past Life Therapy promotes an energetic shift in consciousness that can permanently end the cycles of victimization by finishing these past events in a way that encourages a resolved, peaceful, conscious mind.
Ending mind-body victimization may require that you pull away from experiences and relationships that attempt to force you back into confusion even if those individuals are “good people.” Sometimes these relationships only need to end while you are still vulnerable during the process of transitioning out of past behaviors, and sometimes they need to end for an entire lifetime if the other person(s) involved aren’t supportive or evolving with you. The healing process may seem like a selfish indulgence, but that is what it may entail. PLT allows you to achieve alignment and balance in all aspects of your life as you separate the unconscious voices from your own voice (i.e., you get to the truth). This can open up unlimited possibilities for attracting those who complement your new way of being (out of victim-victimizer and into healthy, benign observer).
Full resolution of the negative aspects of your past is about promoting wellness throughout your entire mind-body by ending the cycles of confusion. This is encouraged by recognizing your own confusion and resolving it in therapy, including recognizing confusion in others. The resolution obtained in Past Life Therapy is also about doing what you want to do, and to cease doing what you used to feel you had to do(it entails embracing your worth by surrounding yourself with people and circumstances that support you, rather than being around those whom reinforce victimization patterns of the past).
Societies, religions, cultures, and even advertisers both unconsciously and consciously taunt the confused individuals with their subliminal messages that amplify survival-based fears and unresolved guilt. However, these participants are simply affirming the unresolved confusion within themselves with other confused people who believe that chaos, confusion, and victim-victimizer drama is an acceptable and necessary part of the human condition. Until you learn the truth about your unconscious past, you will be drawn to the confusing aspects of society as they will resonate with your unresolved, unconscious confusion.
When you release the key victim-offender/slave-master experiences that contain confusing and hypnotic internal messages, you will no longer need to be influenced by these unconscious voices or physical symptoms experienced during a shocking event or painful death to know you’re alive. Peace and serenity can be achieved within the body so that you can live as if you are already dead (free) rather than as if you are dying an arduous, victim-filled death. Once the unresolved deaths become resolved in Past Life Therapy, the survival-script of “as long as I feel like a victim, at least I’m still alive” can become “living is easy and feels great.”
Allow the souls who are not finished experiencing confusion and all that comes with it stay there until they reach out for help. And when they do, it doesn’t have to be your responsibility to make them unconfused, even if they are family. People choose to leave confusion when they recognize that they are lost and decide to do something about it, though it may not be in this lifetime. It can be frightening to leave that which feels “normal” and familiar to you, or to leave someone that you love, but this may be part of your healing process so that you can make room for attracting those that are in alignment with your new consciousness. Furthermore, any fears or guilt that surface about leaving a relationship can be addressed in therapy so that it doesn’t have to be as difficult of a process.
Past Life Therapy allows you to develop your intuitive self at your own pace, which will inherently direct you to the people and experiences that will promote a healthy and peaceful reality in this lifetime. The healing journey can be lonesome at times. It requires that you focus on resolving your own confusion and then admitting when you need further inner work, and/or need to end relationships that are unproductive or damaging. The unconscious, confused mind is the enemy, but it can be defeated and clarity can prevail.
The unique and highly effective method at Past Life Therapy Center is the most efficient and thorough way of enabling you to achieve this goal. When you don’t have to make sense out of other people’s confusion and you can recognize/feel that you no longer need to be part of it, you will have more energy, inner peace, and wellness.
Questions that you may be asking yourself:
1. What will I do without my family? How will I survive without them? Who will take care of me when I’m sick and/or old?
I would ask you to investigate your unconscious mind with an experienced guide to examine the belief that you need the entire family you were born into during this lifetime to assure survival. Why will you need to be sick and or destitute when you’re old? This type of survival belief would indicate an unresolved death experience where sickness and dependence on others was part of the dying process. Also, if you provide space for healthy relationships, then you will enhance the possibilities for a new family, job, mate, etc.
2. What will people think and/or say about me if I ended a family relationship? Who will love me like my family? What if I feel guilt about leaving someone?
I would ask you to consider the reasons you may be living your life based on what others think and feel about you. If you continue to think this way, then your happiness and health is based on external factors. You would be living to make others happy instead of yourself when each of us is responsible for achieving internally supported peace and happiness. You may want to ask yourself if the love from others in your life is nurturing, supportive, and encouraging, or if it’s something else that requires you to do things you don’t really want to do or can’t do.
If the ending of a relationship would hurt someone so much that they would barely be able to survive without you, or vice versa, then consider whether you or the other person were just enablers preventing internally motivated security, self-love, health and happiness. Furthermore, any guilt-filled feelings should be addressed in therapy to access the unconscious and/or conscious commitments you may have made during an unclear or confusing time from your past.
3. What if I leave a relationship that I know isn’t good for me and I end up alone?
I would ask you to confront the greatest fear of many people, which is loneliness. Being alone won’t kill you, but it may make you feel like you’re dying, especially if you died a painful, victim-fueled death by yourself. It’s a belief that should be resolved at its past-life source. For example, if you died alone on a battlefield after being injured or were drowning by yourself, the belief is that you need someone (even if they are confused or temporarily insane) to save you. This will lower your standards and worthiness in the next life, which continues the victimization cycle. Sometimes being alone is where we do the most growing to develop ourselves internally instead of externally. It can be a temporary experience of transitioning from unhealthy relationships and habits to healthier ones.
4. What if I feel stuck and don’t believe I can move forward?
The first step is recognizing that you feel stuck and then to resolve this belief that you will always be stuck at its past-life and prenatal sources. For example, I’ve worked with clients who were actually stuck in the birth canal (e.g. umbilical cord around their neck similar to a hanging from a past-life death, breach births that require others to survive, or cesarean born babies who unconsciously learn that someone must get you unstuck and finish things for them). The feeling that you can’t move forward and will always be dependent on others even if they are unhealthy for you is likely what you felt at your death and birth, which can be resolved.
5. Why can’t I just focus on the positive side of my family or person(s) I’m having issues with now?
This is one way of temporarily handling a situation. However, this technique usually involves dated forms of hypnosis/suggestive/behavioral modification therapies or mind-trickery that has limited results, if any. Past Life Therapy Center utilizes de-hypnosis (non-suggestive/focused-state therapy) to access the unconscious programming and other scripts developed in past-lives, prenatal, etc. that are dictating that you need negative people in your life to survive. The problem with only focusing on the positive side of someone is that it may require ignoring their “bad side”, or truth, which will likely surface again and perhaps when you least expect it. Hence, victimization continues.
You may have to ask yourself whether or not you would choose to be part of an unpleasant childhood experience again when you know that with the good will come the bad. Do you want to come back to a life where you are supported, heard, seen, and understood by your family, or the opposite? Do you want to hear your own voice or an unconscious one demanding that you remain a victim? In other words, do you want to attract another life of being defined by your family and the external world or an internally defined one? To only focus on the positive sides of your family is to live in denial of reality and it’s living a life of unconsciousness that can lead to devastating consequences.
6. What if the person(s) that reinforce my “past role” as a victim/victimizer is a sibling, a twin, or a child?
The formula for well-being remains the same. You must recognize confusion in yourself, resolve it at its unconscious source, and then release those who are unwilling to resolve their own confusion. You may have been sharing a victim-victimizer script with siblings, a twin, your parents, etc. in former lifetimes or with someone like them that had a similar survival-script at death. It may be your objective in this lifetime to end this false or confusing agreement when it no longer serves you.
In my experience with working with twins, one twin reaches out to end the agreement before the other one is ready. This may result in them parting ways, or reconnecting at a later time with healthier terms-ones that don’t require the other person’s confusion and unresolved issues to insure each other’s survival and happiness.
In regards to leaving young children, this is a case-by-case and highly sensitive area that needs to be carefully analyzed. Most of the PLTC clients who are seeking therapy are at a crossroads in their life and need to end certain relationships in order to fully move forward. They are often seeking consul to give themselves permission to leave a relationship they’ve felt obligated to maintain. These relationships are usually adult relationships that don’t involve minors, which can make the decision somewhat easier. Obviously, it’s never okay to leave a young child completely alone, though it may be necessary to provide a child with caregivers and an environment that would be better for their health and well-being.
7. What are some of the signs that I’m a victim of my family?
There may be multiple signs that a family member could be reinforcing your victimization-themed past that you want to move forward from, especially if you’re belittled, ignored, or unsupported emotionally. Additional questions you may have to ask yourself will include: Do you enjoy being around your family or are you uncomfortable when in their presence? Do you feel obligated to be with your family or wish you were anywhere else but with certain family members? Does your family encourage you to forget about past issues or encourage you to simply pray about what bothers you in hopes that your problems will miraculously go away? In other words, are they in denial of reality and unable to seriously relate to you? Do any of your family members’ eyes seem to glaze over or do they become uncommunicative when you talk to them about things that are important to you? Do these behaviors make you feel as if you’re talking to people who aren’t genuinely interested in your life? If the answers to these questions are true, then you may be in a victim role reinforced by your family.
From my experience as a past-life therapist, I’ve come to believe and witness in sessions that you unconsciously choose your parents. If you died as a victim and/or victimizer, you reincarnate with the family that will continue this karmic, survival-pattern and victim-victimizer script. It may be your objective in this lifetime to survive your family and to end unconscious scripts that are preventing sustainable peace and wellness. The unconscious victim-victimizer agreement that you become conscious of in Past Life Therapy is the start to eliminating the past-life and birth agreements that are holding you back.
8. Why is it important to resolve any unproductive birth agreements I unconsciously made with my family as soon as possible, including ones made with deceased individuals?
Every second that you are an unresolved victim is another moment that you are an unconscious target for victimization. Victim-victimizers play an unconscious dance of victimization tag. If you are an unresolved victim, then you may be “it” when you least expect it. You will be the one who will attract the car accident or traumatic event. You will be the one to manifest ailments reinforced by emotional duress, past-life injuries and dis-eases unconsciously recreated until you become conscious of the unconscious dialogue/programming that is reinforcing victimization.
If your family unconsciously and/or consciously drags you back into your past, you will need to decide if you have the luxury of waiting for them to evolve with you. The logical choice is to get out of their way and release any unproductive, birth contracts that are making you a victim of your family especially when you are vulnerable to repeating your old patterns. This also includes deceased family members, as you may be continuing victim scripts from when they were still alive.
9. What will others think if I leave a family member?
This Past Life Therapy process will reveal your karmic patterns that are still playing out or revolving around certain family members. For people who truly want to move forward from their destructive past, it’s necessary to completely let go of these patterns. This includes the people reinforcing them by actually leaving behind or releasing any victimization-fueled, unconscious agreements with family members. Yes, it’s sad and challenging depending on your unique circumstances to let go of people you love that are refusing to confront their issues in a productive way. And for some people it’s easier to release relationships once they resolve the source of their confusion and unconscious attraction to their parents. In my experience, clients who confront guilt, sadness, anger, and “what will others think” in therapy have come to a place in their life where it’s time to help themselves first, so that they can get well.
For example, I worked with a client re-experiencing a past-life that involved a sister stuck in a deep pit after a soldier told her to jump in it or be shot in the head. This client and her entire family jumped in the pit/mass grave knowing that they would be shot if they didn’t follow the orders; they had already witnessed many others being shot in the back of the head for failing to obey. During the therapy session, my client could feel her past-life mother grabbing her leg as she attempted to crawl her way out of the pit after several days without food or drink. Her mother screamed, “Please don’t leave us.”
The truth is that someone needed to get out of the pit first, but the weight of her mother on her leg kept her from getting out. The entire family was shot and some of them were buried alive in that mass grave with all the screaming and confusion recorded by the unconscious mind, which influenced the survival/drama pattern for my client in her present life. She also had mood swings, migraine headaches, and an overbearing family in the next life that reinforced “we’re all in this together” (as continual victims). Since she was around her screaming family at death, she feels that “as long as I’m around my family at least I’m alive.” However, this was a victim-fueled survival experience and living is much more than being a victim of persistent pain and suffering.
When I asked my client to attempt to resolve this trauma, she realized that she must crawl out of the pit (away from her family) in order to survive and thrive in her life now. This was achieved by emotionally reframing this past-life trauma by choosing to push her mother away from her leg so she could free herself from this pit of victimization. There is more to the reframing process in the therapy session, but it’s essentially doing and saying what you can now in order to create the change or finished experience within your mind. It has a closure effect that allows a person to move forward in the present. Someone has to get out of the pit and get to a place of freedom, which is a necessary process to leave the symbolic pit of pain and confusion.
As a past-life therapist, I let my client know that I won’t go in this pit with them, but I can surely hand them a ladder via past-life therapy to enable them to climb out. I encourage my clients to become conscious of the reasons they unconsciously agreed to be part of victimization, which usually unravels many lifetimes of unresolved karma and “brainwashing” from their victimizers and fellow victims.
10. Is ending family relations a permanent decision and a necessary one for everyone wanting results from Past Life Therapy? Is ending a familial relationship an act of love, hatred, or revenge?
Ending relationships with all family members isn’t necessary for all clients seeking results from Past Life Therapy, but for some people it’s essential to promote healing. My clients are encouraged to consider family members like any relationship. If it’s a destructive relationship, such as one that you feel you have to be part of when you don’t want to, or that keeps you from comfortably being yourself, then it’s a victim relationship. If it’s supportive one that allows you to enjoy being yourself, then it’s a benign or healthy relationship. And, of course, a relationship can be rekindled if both parties agree to it and when the other person(s) match your commitment to wellness; however, it may not happen in your lifetime.
You may find that ending a relationship is actually an act of love rather than one of hate or revenge. It can be the greatest gesture of love to release yourself and your family member(s) from damaging scripts/behaviors. Of course the person you release may find someone rather quickly to play out victim and offender scripts with, or they may finally look within themselves and question why someone they thought would never have the strength to leave them, just did. It may force them to go inward and question their life choices, behaviors, mind-body ailments, etc. Your strong boundaries required to end a relationship could lead to them finally confronting their past, which is an act of love. However, once again, you cannot wait around for them to move forward as they may not be ready to do it.
11. What if I don’t want to know what I did to another or what was done to me in a past-life?
If you don’t want to know about your unconscious past, then you will remain unconscious or unknowing of the truth. You will be vulnerable to any confusing, suggestive thoughts that were inadvertently or intentionally recorded during unconscious events such as past-lives, surgeries, traumas/accidents, prenatal experiences, etc. Your health and well-being, or lack thereof, may be affected now or in the future as the unconscious, survival-based patterns are reactivated. Your “I don’t want to know” belief could simply be someone else’s voice that you unconsciously recorded telling you, “Don’t even think about telling anyone about this or I’ll kill you.” It’s oftentimes that literal and the mind will act out the belief to “don’t think” in order to stay alive.
To remain unconscious is like being intoxicated beyond recognition and signing contracts/agreements that will dictate that you remain a victim-victimizer starting with your familial agreements. These beliefs become a way of life until the ultimate victimization becomes the only way out of doing things you don’t want to do, e.g., the only way out is to get sick and die. And for some it’s a fatal accident or an abusive relationship that results in their demise only to be repeated in the subsequent lifetimes until resolved. If you don’t want to know, you must ask yourself who is making you believe it’s better to not know. In my professional experience, it’s better to know.
12. Does Past Life Therapy involve any rebirthing techniques?
Yes, PLT often utilizes rebirthing. An important component of Past Life Therapy is the resolution of any negative aspects from the prenatal/birth experience, which may include the reframing of any victim-victimizer dialogue spoken while in the womb and shortly after birth. This is an essential part of the healing process as the conscious mind doesn’t fully develop until the umbilical cord is cut. Therefore, your mother’s inner most thoughts and issues during her pregnancy unconsciously become your own until those experiences are resolved via the conscious mind. In addition, medical staff members make comments that can create future problems for the baby such as “she can’t do it” or “we’ll have to do it for her” which become an unconscious belief (c-section/caesarean births can reinforce issues with finishing things on one’s own as stuck-at-birth reactivates the stuck feeling from a previous death and in one’s present-life). Circumcisions are also very important to resolve as they are painful for the child and reinforce pain as a way of life, sexual shame, and “there is something wrong with me” beliefs.
Rebirthing will remove unconscious distortions and begin to solidify changes that often entail choosing someone else to give birth to you that is a better match such a favorite aunt, teacher, friend, etc. Although they aren’t physically present in the session, you will feel what their energy would bring with a birth agreement that would be better suited for you as a baby born without confused parents or medical staff providing mixed messages, painful procedures, etc. For example, a client may choose a new agreement such as “I’ll let you be born if you will just be (yourself).” This releases former birth scripts that may have included impossible pressures of having to fix one’s parents or to be born with an expectation of being someone other than oneself.
The decision to end a family tie with one or more individuals isn’t determined in a light-hearted manner. Family relationships can be challenging even for those who believe their parents are still a perfect match for them. However, sometimes it’s more than a matter of family loyalty, and more about doing what is necessary for your health and well-being. When a person becomes conscious of their unconscious, karmic agreements from past-life victimizations, he or she will need to consider whether or not their family is reinforcing patterns that need to be broken. You may also come to realize that you unconsciously chose the perfect family to leave this time around in order to end the past-life influences that no longer serve you.
When one is committed to healing, healthy boundaries are a necessity, which may involve temporarily or permanently ceasing relationships with individuals unwilling or unable to be supportive of your growth process. You unconsciously chose your family, but you can consciously choose new relationships and healthy experiences that are in alignment with who you are really are and continue to strive to be.
Schedule an Appointment
Therapy sessions can be scheduled online, or by contacting Dr. Thomas Paul, Master Clinical Past Life Therapist and founder of Past Life Therapy Center. PLTC has its primary office in Los Angeles, CA and Thomas Paul, C.Ht. (Certified Hypnotherapist), can be retained worldwide for week-long intensives. You may also want to inquire about distance/phone session eligibility. The PLTC/Netherton-Paul Method of Past Life Therapy and De-Hypnosis is available exclusively at Past Life Therapy Center®.
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